Forgiveness, Revenge, and Fire

Listen… I know the girlies are going to see Michael, and I support everybody’s right to moonwalk down memory lane.

But me? I’m tired.

Don’t hate me y’all!!!!.....but I know everything I need to know about Michael Jackson. The music, the glove, the family drama, the documentaries, the debates and like enough lol.

My kids went to see Michael this weekend, and I went to see Is God Is because I saw two Black girls as the main characters and said, “Yep. That’s enough for me.”

I didn’t see a trailer, a review, I didn’t check social media like "let me see what the people are saying.”

Just two Black girls on the screen and me buying the ticket.

I think I might start blindly going to movies like this from now on. It made it better. I didn’t have expectations. Just me in my seat like, “Alright, let’s see what y’all got.”

And baby… they had plenty.

Everybody who knows me knows I love two things down: New Orleans and being Black.

I remember when Deion Sanders was dating Tracey Edmonds and she said she couldn’t get him to watch nothing that ain’t have Black people in it. I laughed for a long time because… same.

Like, I’ll watch other stuff. I’m not unreasonable and closed minded. But my preference is us. Always. Sorry, not sorry.

I like living and breathing around Black people. I like my business being about Black women. I like when we can all laugh at the same thing because we all have similar lived experiences. "Black people not a monolith" ok girls well explain why we all know who Boo Boo the Fool is and ain’t?

Anyway, Is God Is was witty, riveting, quirky, and for a lot of people, probably triggering.

First of all, every actor and actress in the movie was delightful. I mean top tier. And let me be clear: I am no one’s official movie critic, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.

But I do like to believe I have very good taste in most things like food, fashion, design, music and art. And movies are art, so technically, I feel qualified. Don’t argue with me.

The story deals with domestic abuse, and while I’ve never personally experienced DV in a relationship, I am very familiar with it.

I grew up watching my mother be hit. I watched my aunts be hit. It was one of those things that happened so often around me that, as a child, I didn’t even understand how abnormal it was.

It was just there.

In the background of life.

Like somebody cooking. Like someone dancing when their favorite song comes on. Like somebody sitting on their front porch on a nice day.

Except it wasn’t normal. It was just familiar.

And what I know is... familiar will trick you if you let it.

I only tussled with a man once. And full transparency, I was the aggressor. He responded softly, but aggressively enough for something to click instantly in me like, “Oh no. This is not what I want. This is not where I live.”

And I never wanted to play anywhere near that line again.

Back to the movie.....

What I loved most was the women who experienced abuse got revenge.

I know, I know. Revenge is not the “healthy and healed” answer, but y’all know I’m an Aries. I’m not a big cheerleader for forgiveness. I’m more of a “if I had to suffer, why you get to sleep good?” type of girl.

I never got to see the women around me get that.

They just moved on.

Or at least that’s what it looked like.

Nobody talked about it for real. Life just kept going.

And I still wonder how and why.

So yes, watching them get revenge felt good to me. Maybe too good.

Well… somewhat good, because the movie also reminded me revenge isn’t always clean.

There was a line that said something like, “Careful with vengeance. You never know where the blood will land.”

And that stuck with me.

Because remember I told y’all I’m not doing things angry anymore?

I am still under construction.

The movie left me thinking about revenge, forgiveness, anger, and all the women I grew up watching just keep going.

I don’t think radical forgiveness is always the answer. Sometimes it feels like another thing women are expected to perform so everybody else can feel comfortable.

But anger is not the answer either.

It feels good for a minute. It’ll have you standing tall, chest out, ready to burn the whole thing down. But fire don’t take direction like that. Once it gets going, it’ll burn whatever is closest .... even you.

So where do we go from here?

I don’t know yet.

Maybe we start talking more openly about it with our sons and daughters?  Maybe we stop rushing people to forgive? Maybe we let anger say what it came to say, but don’t let it drive the car?

If you haven’t seen Is God Is, I recommend you do (trigger warning, of course.)

And if you have seen it… let’s discuss.